you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
how drunk are you?
Several
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
