You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
