They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
