So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
