One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
