Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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