Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
