she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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