he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
