Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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