Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
