JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Im part way to drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
