Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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