I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
