I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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