I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize