You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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