Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
