dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
