So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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