Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
