I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize