In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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