Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
