There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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