when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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