I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
