Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
