im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize