My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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