I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
