I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
