Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
