in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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