i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
