I can text with my tongue
I think I won the penis lottery.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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