As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
