I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
