Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
