I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
