"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
