New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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