My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
