i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
