I'm going to jail i love you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
