I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
