if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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