My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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