I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
