I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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