yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
