He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
