What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
