did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
