I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
