okay pat passed out under dana's car
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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