omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
