my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize