kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
