i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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