i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
