it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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