I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
