I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i out mim tonsoeep
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
