HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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