Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
