Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
