smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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