she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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