remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
