honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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