Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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