i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize