I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
