So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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