There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
