Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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