i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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