she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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