Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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