Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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