This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
