found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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