I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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