I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
