Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
