due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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