i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
