I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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