Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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