this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
