We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
