I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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