So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
