the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i out mim tonsoeep
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