dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
