Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
