i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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