The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i think i just lost a toe
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
