My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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