But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
