i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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