great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
