Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
