Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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