my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
